Please help me!? anyone- someone who CARES FOR OTHERS WELL!?

im 13 and im recently feeling used and crying for no reason and i want to be alone ALWAYS!!!! so is it normal? actually to be honest i was molested when i was only 6 by a family friend and no one knows but my bestfriend thats been by my side since kindergarden...but thats not the point shes the only one who knows and recently my ex wants me to '''suck him up'' and i cant because i think it reminds me of the person who destroyed my life [molester] and i am always doubting myself and saying im fat which im not but i eat so much and!! uggh itS very frusrtating!!! im kinda iffy if i should which i know its wrOng and i know i shouldnt!!! PLEASE PULL ME OUT OF THIS HELL I ALWAYS WANT TO BE IN DARKNESS AND WHEN IM EXTREMELY MAD I CUT WHICH IS ALSO WRONG BUT I FEEL AS IF MY RAZORS ARE MY ONLY FRIENDS!!...... I DONT WANT TO BE DEPRESSED!!!! IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM A LONER! AND IM USUALLY BUBBLY AND ALWAYS LAUGHING AT SUPER WEIRD CRAZY STUFF!!!so can someone pull me out of this living hell please im asking!!!! please dOnt be rude im already having the worst life as it is and school and other girls are just crappy and i feel like i HATE everything and evryone! i sometimes feel like i should hurt or kill myself and sometimes others!!!! i dont know what to do i sometimes start to starve myself because my family is always telling me im eating all of the food and i just don't know what to do!! im lost i need to find the little sweet loving girl i once was!!! please?......AND I DONT THINK TALKINHG TO SOMEONE WILL HELP! my mom is a really NEGATIVE person she doesnt understand me! no one does and i know people say oh i talked to a therapist and i feel so much better but ive tried talking to my school guidance counselor and school psychiatrist but everytime i try to let the truth go for some stupid psycho reason i lie and turn the story upside down and around!! or i never mention it i blame it on another problem i have NOTHING SEEMS TO HELP ME!! I CANT FACE THE TRUTH!!